Wednesday, July 14, 2010


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Scantron Test Takers...

Bowlers and Miniature Golfers...

How many times has your BEST work been thwarted
by a mis-sharpened pencil?
The hilarious caricature of your algebra teacher ruined by a broken point...
Your SAT score tanked because of half-filled dots...
Your birdie or spare unrecognized due to illegibility...

Yes, yes... the list goes on and I hear your laments and gnashing of teeth.
But Ica n't do anything about it.
I simply don't have the precision... the craft... the sharpitude.
But I know someone that does.

Mr. David Rees.
He of Get Your War On fame has started...


Let's face it, we're not trained to sharpen our own pencils...


Why not leave it to the experts?

All you have to do is send your #2 pencils to Mr. Rees and for $12.50 a piece he'll sharpen them to a precision graded point.

What's that? You say you think that $12.50 sounds kind of expensive?

But is it REALLY?

Each pencil that Mr. Rees receives gets his PERSONALIZED attention and is sharpened in the old-world tradition that pencils were meant to be sharpened in.
Then they're shipped back to you in a protective tube complete with down-to-the-micrometer grading:

You'll also receive a signed certificate of sharpening as proof that your pencil was sharpened to artisanal standards:

And of course Mr. Rees guarantees this:

All shavings are bagged, sealed, labeled, and returned to the owner to dispose of as they wish. After all, shavings are part of the pencil– and it’s YOUR pencil.

Beware pencil-sharpening services that don’t return your shavings! They’re ripping you off!

Still not convinced?
Don't want to waste your precious pencils on a service
you're not 2000% sure of?
Why not try it out?
For $40 you'll get a safety-tubed, precision sharpened pencil from Mr. Rees' personal collection (complete with bagged shavings),
a certificate of authenticity,
and a limited edition copy of the poster shown above.
(I got number 12 of 50!)

Interested? Go HERE!
And don't be shy to browse through the rest of Mr. Rees' blog--

He hasn't been called the 'The Hottest Blogger on the Scene' for nothin', you know.


Chris W. said...

That's what I always said -- it's my pencil, damnit! Those shavings are MINE!

Finally -- an HONEST pencil sharpener.

Godspeed, sir!

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Can you still sharpen freehand using only a knife, or does this infringe Health and Safety Regulations?

Nick said...

Of all the artisan pencil sharpeners I have used, thanks to your glowing review, Mr Rees may very well be the next.

The value added by the print aside, that's a hell of a price, I have been charged up to twice as much previously and never received my shavings back.

It's good to see honesty and professionalism are still alive and well.

Charlie said...

I'm hoping you'll update your website with discounts for bulk purchases? I really want a dozen.

Julian Hardy said...

Surely an artisan would NEVER stoop to offering bulk discounts?! Did Michelangelo offer to paint the walls of the Sistine Chapel for half price after he had slapped two coats on the ceiling? I think not!

Anonymous said...

P.T. Barnum was right. There is a sucker born every minute.

Anonymous said...

Wow...I thought I had pretty much seen every scam out there. This is ridiculous. Anyone dumb enough to pay for this should just reconsider and send the money to me. I promise to think good thoughts about you for 25 seconds. That's worth it, right?

beru said...

I believe the people who made last two anonymous comments are missing...the point.

Julian Hardy said...

That's a rather pointed comment! Perhaps those two posters aren't exactly "the sharpest pencils in the box"!

Tlalas said...

This has got to be a joke.. Who is stupid enough to pay $12.50 to sharpen a pencil?!

Anonymous said...

Stupid for $12.50? What would you say about $40? We just received our pencil, for which I and my kids have been waiting feverishly for weeks. It was everything we hoped for and more. There is nothing in the world quite as fulfilling as a properly sharpened pencil, it hints at the pinnacle of human civilization. Just gazing at it I feel as if I have channeled to my halcyon younger days, when a finely honed #2 meant the difference between success and humiliation. Was Mr. Warhol's painting "just a soup can"? Was the Mona Lisa a Sears portrait? I think not. Can I get some culture here, my good man?


Stephen Ryan said...

Haha this is great. My friend sent me the vimeo documentary and it's wonderful. People pay five dollars for a haircut, people pay sixty. And some people grow their hair for two years or shave it with a buzzer every two weeks. Money, time and what you do with yours are always silly, but pencils happen to be the start of great things on paper, so I think of this service as someone buying an expensive pen or a pricey bourbon to get in the mood to write. To each his own luxury. Thanks for the service, Mr. Rees. said...

Thanks a lot for the info that is given more success.

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As far as Mr.-$40-Pencil-Sharpener, I'd consider paying whatever an average pack of Ticoconderoga's cost, to install an app, teaching folks how to do this themselves....of course, I'd have to be convinced, which means it'd have to be the subject of much critical acclaim!
Other than that, as a math student, a fictional writer, NOT TO MENTION, I've recently been told that, as an adult, I'm somewhat of an anomaly for believing that #1, any mechanical pencil thinner than 2mm, others may be able to comfortably use. I, however cannot. I'm shamefully heavy-handed, so it's wooden, or nothin' fer me.
The second and must pertinent point is, one never outgrows, or gets too old for pencils.
They don't run or smear. You can write from any angle. Eraseable pens don't erase fully, nor write evenly for all THAT MATTER. You lose the pen cap, the opening in separately sold cap erasers are way too huge to fit a pen. When the ink goes out on a disposable, there's no warning and when it's done, it's done. Wooden pencils cab be sharpened down as far as the metal hub that holds the eraser will let it. And aren't they biodegradable as well? The point & line that a pen makes is that alone. Pencils can be sharpened or softened, depending on how light/dark, thin/thick you'd like it to appear. In first-drafts, and even 'final' drafts that need proofreading, nothing else suffices, well...maybe in the latter instance a red-ink pen would be an exception.
So honestly, what's not to love about a pencil?
Oh, and as far as The Pencil Sharpener, more power to him. For fifty bucks though, he'd have to sharpen a lifetime of pencils for ME, AND include free shipping, BOTH WAYS!!!

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